b'CREATING A CONSCIOUS, CONNECTED RELATIONSHIPThe perfect couple seen daily on social media and in other media has become an unrealisitic framework for our relationship expectations.A n alluring and attractive concept, its naturalThis is the first step butif you avoid this, you unconsciously to want to find this special person to emulatechoose to create the same undesirable results. this ideal relationship but after the initial flush2. Taking personal responsibility for the results you have of meeting someone new, perceptions cancreated empowers you to change and create better results in change and you find yourself walking away-the future.perhaps too quickly? This can become habitual in order toThis involves a level of deep self-reflection, developing find that elusive soulmate who will complete us.awareness around your patterns of thinking and learning to find Unconscious expectations new ways to meet your needs. Unfortunately, not many people In the age of instant gratification and increasing levels ofdo this. They look to their partners to be their best friend, perfect entitlement, its becoming easier to discard people andlover, confidante, emotional supporter, intellectual stimuli and dismantle relationships when they dont appear to live up to ourthe object of their attraction; but its an overload of expectation idealistic (and largely unconscious) expectations. to place on another. It creates a heavy reliance on a partner to meet needs we are responsible for and this can be an This can become a regular occurrence. Wearing your heart onoverwhelming pressure for partners to provide; our sleeve, you expose your vulnerability and this can result inat levels they simply cant. Deep self-more breakups as you perceive your expectations arent beingreflection with a commitment to take met. When this failure and pain occurs, protection systems kickfull responsibility for our own needs in. Less vulnerability is exposed next time and, as a result, layersDeep self-of protection form to protect and avoid future or repeat pain.and state is the work to be done.reflection with 3. The quality of all An entirely natural and unconscious response, this inevitablycommunication is key ina commitment contributes to the destruction of more relationships. This canrelationships; but it is the levelto take full happen repeatedly until resignation sets in to give up onof consciousness you bring relationships and turn elsewhere for something we believeresponsibility for to that communication which may be more satisfying. changes things. our own needs and Namely engaging in short-term (mostly unsatisfying) physicalUnconscious communication,state is the work encounters with the aim of avoiding pain and feeling good.(words spoken withoutto be doneBut these encounters only deliver a temporary dopamine hitconsidered thought), is as so the familiar dull ache of dissatisfaction creeps in as thisunhelpful as no communication cycle repeats until, at some point, the awareness arises that thisat all and, in many cases, far more unhealthy pattern is not the answer.damaging to relationships. Quality, conscious So how can you achieve a deeper and fulfilling connectioncommunication occurs when (even in the heat of verbal with another human being? conflict) we choose our words carefully and intentionally. Its Break unhealthy patterns a learned skill that, when mastered, creates deep levels of connection. In order to be open and vulnerable to share how Most people enter relationships (whether short or long term)you truly feel and communicate your message in a way which unconsciously, stay in them unconsciously and then leavehas a greater chance of being received with the intention it unconsciously too. Its a cyclical pattern which repeats for yearsholds, you need to feel safe in that communication. Safety and damages to both people.means a history of proven instances where we have expressed You can change it by developing self-awareness and practisinghow we feel and received a positive response; or at least not conscious communication.an aggressive, negative or violent one. 1. Self-awareness helps you understand that how you currentlyIf you can improve your self-awareness and communication, think, feel and behave isnt working for you. You can thenyou have a much stronger chance at connecting with commit to a course of action that helps you de-layer the self- someone deeply enough for your relationship to last the conditioning that has developed over time.distance in a fulfilling way for both of you.25'